AMIGOS GRINGOS DEL OOOOSA,
I've got too many stories in the bank so they're coming out at random.
I avoided El Salvador because it was too expensive to check in and out of the country.
Sailing around it, however, I met two SILLY SALVADORAN SHITS...let me explain.
It was mid-day and hot as hell... on days like that I feel like a long-since-fried chicken tender under a truckstop heatlamp.
As such, I try too keep out of the sun and don't pay the most attention to where I'm going... the story of my life.
Anyway, I was down below rereading this...
... when my 6th sense called "SHENANIGANS!"
I jumped outside and caught sight of two Salvadoran fishermen engaged in monkey business.
About 50 feet ahead, one was manning their panga's outboard while the other FRANTICALLY tossed a long floating fishing net directly in my path.
"THEY ARE TRYING TO CATCH ME!"
Immediately they came off sheepishly embarrassed so I knew they were non-violent.
Quoth my inner Walter, "FUCKING AMATEURS, DUDE."
I tossed the autopilot aside and cranked hard on the tiller, veering 90 degrees and coming to a stop alongside their panga... my sails flapping in irons.
They wore the expressions of 4th grade boys shortly after being caught pissing in the sink.
A conversation ensued...
TRYING TO CATCH MY BOAT, EH?
(nothing.)
HOPING TO COLLECT "REPAIR MONEY" OFF THE GRINGO RICO, EH?
(nothing.)
(BAHAMIAN TOOTH SUCKING SOUND OF DESPAIR AND JUDGMENT)
(nothing.)
DO I LOOK LIKE A GRINGO RICO? DO I?
("No.")
YOUR PANGA IS BIGGER THAN MY SAILBOAT.
(nothing.)
LOOK. YOU CATCH ME? I PAY NOTHING. I ASSUME VIOLENCE. I ASSUME REAL "PIRATAS" NOT "PUTITOS". WE FIGHT. I CUT YOUR NET COMPLETELY TO SHIT. I CUT YOUR FUEL LINE. I RADIO THE ARMADA. GAME OVER. YOU UNDERSTAND?
(Nods.)
DON'T FUCK WITH CRAZY PEOPLE. GET YOUR FUCKING NET OUT OF MY WAY. GO FISHING. GOOD LUCK.
(EL FIN)
That has been my only experience with "PIRATAS" thus far.
The worst crooks I've encountered are young female store clerks (especially at Mexican Supermarkets) who intentionally short your change substantially.
They'll give you the coins and small bills but forget the one "fatty" bill you had coming.
Thrice, I've had it done to me... caught em' every time. Their bad acting alone makes it worth notifying the management.
"Screw the GRINGOS that don't speak, LADRONITA." is my closing line.
Fucking Amateurs, Dude.
MAX
I avoided El Salvador because it was too expensive to check in and out of the country.
Sailing around it, however, I met two SILLY SALVADORAN SHITS...let me explain.
It was mid-day and hot as hell... on days like that I feel like a long-since-fried chicken tender under a truckstop heatlamp.
As such, I try too keep out of the sun and don't pay the most attention to where I'm going... the story of my life.
Anyway, I was down below rereading this...
... when my 6th sense called "SHENANIGANS!"
I jumped outside and caught sight of two Salvadoran fishermen engaged in monkey business.
About 50 feet ahead, one was manning their panga's outboard while the other FRANTICALLY tossed a long floating fishing net directly in my path.
"THEY ARE TRYING TO CATCH ME!"
Immediately they came off sheepishly embarrassed so I knew they were non-violent.
Quoth my inner Walter, "FUCKING AMATEURS, DUDE."
I tossed the autopilot aside and cranked hard on the tiller, veering 90 degrees and coming to a stop alongside their panga... my sails flapping in irons.
They wore the expressions of 4th grade boys shortly after being caught pissing in the sink.
A conversation ensued...
TRYING TO CATCH MY BOAT, EH?
(nothing.)
HOPING TO COLLECT "REPAIR MONEY" OFF THE GRINGO RICO, EH?
(nothing.)
(BAHAMIAN TOOTH SUCKING SOUND OF DESPAIR AND JUDGMENT)
(nothing.)
DO I LOOK LIKE A GRINGO RICO? DO I?
("No.")
YOUR PANGA IS BIGGER THAN MY SAILBOAT.
(nothing.)
LOOK. YOU CATCH ME? I PAY NOTHING. I ASSUME VIOLENCE. I ASSUME REAL "PIRATAS" NOT "PUTITOS". WE FIGHT. I CUT YOUR NET COMPLETELY TO SHIT. I CUT YOUR FUEL LINE. I RADIO THE ARMADA. GAME OVER. YOU UNDERSTAND?
(Nods.)
DON'T FUCK WITH CRAZY PEOPLE. GET YOUR FUCKING NET OUT OF MY WAY. GO FISHING. GOOD LUCK.
(EL FIN)
That has been my only experience with "PIRATAS" thus far.
The worst crooks I've encountered are young female store clerks (especially at Mexican Supermarkets) who intentionally short your change substantially.
They'll give you the coins and small bills but forget the one "fatty" bill you had coming.
Thrice, I've had it done to me... caught em' every time. Their bad acting alone makes it worth notifying the management.
"Screw the GRINGOS that don't speak, LADRONITA." is my closing line.
Fucking Amateurs, Dude.
MAX